October 3rd, 2019

They say no news is good news, so therefore this must be the best of news.  there really is nothing going on new with my health.  For that, i am extremely thankful.  Yesterday, I had a friend, and co-worker from another department at my office bring over a delicious meal and cake for supper.  She'd been wanting to do something to assist us, and now that things have settled down some, it was a good time to let her know that it was in fact a good time. 

I am so very thankful for my friends, and people i work with.  I cannot state it in enough words. Honestly i just don't have the words for it.  There really are so many good folks out there.  It is like everything in today's day and age though. you never hear about the good, only the bad.  So i'm making it a point to say and thank all of these good folk who have helped me in one way or another along my journey and fight against Cancer. 

I've also recently been following another person who has Cancer.  He founded AR-15.com, a forum that i frequent quite often as it is pertinent to one of my hobbies.  Unfortunately his Cancer is so much worse, he's having to seek treatment in mexico as he's exhausted all treatments that can be given in the States.  From what all the doctors have said, his outlook is pretty grim, and he may not have much time, but he's a fighter.  His attitude is so refreshing and positive it makes me really strive to have a better attitude as well.  I pray for him daily, as i do many of you who i know, for all sorts of things, big and small.  I pray he gets some beneficial treatment with what he's going through in Mexico. 

In other news i've sold our old couch set (the bonded leather set that was flaking off) This is largely because we're redoing the arrangement of our furniture in our lower level.  We're moving from the front open area of the house, by the front door, to the back open room, near the garage door, as it has the fireplace and is a bit more private as its in the back of the home.  Our lower level is really just wide open areas, so there are no defined rooms other than the Kitchen and thats only because of its counters.  I really had no idea how hard it would be to arrange furniture in the back area.  but it is a bit difficult. 

Alex, is getting close to finishing up work on the purple camaro, so my car should be road worthy here shortly hopefully.  Goodness knows I sure am excited about driving it again to a cruise in, or even to my work office for a day just to see what they say lol.


anyways, thats about all i have now that i'm over the Pnuemonia.  

September 28, 2019 - My Charleston Visit and Checkup.

just a quick update, as today @d16man and i went down to charleston for a doctor visit to my bone marrow transplant team. It was a routine check up/check in with them.

long story short, I Got a great review by my doctor in Charleston. My labs are great and I don’t have to come back to Charleston for another checkup here for another six months!! All praise to God. My doctor, Dr. Napoli said that I’m on path for the six to nine month remission plan that he’s seen with some other patients. and he thinks that is what my numbers are trending towards, So we can pray for that!!! Thank you all for your support and prayers, i could not have came this far without all of your support, prayers, and well wishes.  I'm a believer in the power of Prayer, so please keep those coming as they've really been a huge help to me.  I cannot thank you guys enough, everyone who's helped me, large or small, has really humbled me, and just made me be at a loss for words.  Thank you all so much for your kindness support, and prayers. 

Pneumonia and turning 44.

Wow.  It's been like 22 days or more since i posted last. 

It goes to show you how fast time flies, and how much can change in a short amount of time.  Where to start.  On the 31st of August i went to see a movie with my bro Larry.  We went and saw Spider man Far from home.  It was great.  Had a good time.  I felt a little more fatigued and winded more than usual.  All day that day I had worked in my work office, and was hot.  while everyone else was cold in the office.  That should have been the first clue.  I went home after the movie and crashed.  The next morning was a Saturday and i felt like shit.  Finally around 11 am i took my temperature, and it read 102.8.  That was no good at all. I had to immediately call my oncologist, and then my BMT team oncologists in Charleston.   they all came to the same decision, go to the Emergency Room.  So by now its 130 pm and the wife and I are headed to the ER. 

We get to the ER, and thank goodness for the Oncologist, they expedited my arrival, and i went straight back just about.  While there, i had x-rays done of my chest, and had to have an ultrasound used to find a vein to put in the IV in my arm.  Once they did that they filled me with fluids, and IV antibiotics.  They diagnosed me with Community Acquired Pneumonia and prescribed me some antibiotics and sent me home after about 5 hours of being in the ER. I felt better for the most part the rest of that day and night, and all day Sunday.. however Sunday night was horrible, and i was having the chills and sweats and couldn't stop either.  So Monday i called back my oncologist, who looked at what i was prescribed and felt that i needed a stronger antibiotic.  She prescribed one and Emily was kind enough to go to CVS for me as usual and picked it up.  I started the rotation of that antibiotic, per the doctors orders and sometimes i felt fine, sometimes i didn't.  and yet other times i still had the sweats and chills. this went  on till Wednesday when i called back again, and my oncologist said come in to the office.  so that Thursday morning Emily and I went in for an appointment.

Thursday mornings appointment was fairly standard, blood was drawn, and then we saw my oncologist.  After 2 minutes meeting with her, she said I don't pass the eye test, as in i looked horrible and miserable.  She recommended me being admitted to the hospital right then and there.  so i was admitted to the hospital.   It was my first time being in the new wing that was built.  The rooms were big and clean and nice. I had a little anxiety though as i didn't want it to work out like last time where i ended up being in the hospital for over 2 months.   While i was in the hospital they had to do more Xray's of my chest, and since they couldn't find a vein to set an IV in my arms, I had to go to radiology and have a mid line put in my upper arm.  This had two ports on it and was much easier to put fluids in me and Antibiotics in me.  They loaded me up with 5 antibiotics at once on drip and 1 in push as well.  They did this for two days straight, and by the second day i was feeling much better and no longer had the sweats and shakes, I even was able to take a shower  and get cleaned up.  Friday morning the doctor came by and said we could probably go home on Monday.  Seeing that my birthday was coming up on Tuesday, I had previous plans to celebrate with my in laws that weekend and they were coming in from out of state and what not so I really didn't want to stay in the hospital over the weekend.  I asked the Doctor if i felt well enough is there any way i could leave Saturday morning.  She stated that if I felt good enough and the weekend doctor thought that I looked good enough to be discharged i would be able to.    Saturday rolled around, and i felt much better, and the weekend doctor agreed, so I went home. Thank goodness!!!!

I was able to watch the Carolina football game that day, with my family, at home.  While i didn't feel great, I did love having them here with me and being home.  The next few days I didn't do much other than rest, and spend time with my family.  I had a great birthday, on the 10th, had wonderful dinner and presents and more than i could ever ask for honestly. The only one that i'd say was missing was my Dad, but he lives in VA so its hard to make it down.  I would say my mother and sister were missing but unfortunately that relationship still is quite estranged, especially with the mother side of things.  Shes not bothered reaching out to me since her last phone call to me when i was in Charleston for my bone marrow transplant last April. Kinda shitty. actually, not kinda, more like totally.  so be it though.  Until they are clean and sober and sane i cannot deal with them.

The rest of the week was pretty good as i rested and healed as i went to a few doctors appointments and got a clean bill of health from the pneumonia.  That brings us to the rest of this past week.  I've spent my day's working from home.  building my strength and trying to make sure i'm healthy.   Work has been good, although i miss going in to the office to see my colleagues. 

My buddy Alex has been working on my Camaro for the past month or so roughly, and he's been getting very close to being done with it.  Sadly he's found that my carburetor may be a culprit, and that it may be bad.  This is not good as it can be a 600.00 issue or more.  I'm not looking forward to having to spend more money on the car, but i want to have it dependable and it is almost there thanks to Alex.  I'm very excited about that. 

Well that is about it for now, so i'm going to stop here and say until next time.  

Have you ever noticed, nothing's quite as good as the original?

Today, As i came home from my abdominal ultrasound appointment, I saw a newer volklswagon beetle getting off the interstate.  it was bright yellow, and a little grey haired woman was driving it and on the bottom of the door it said in black lettering 'Beetle".  At first i thought nothing of it, until i read the word beetle.  It was then it struck me, thats not a beetle, thats the modern bug, Thats when it hit me.  Nothing, is ever quite as good as the original.

the nostalgia that was invoked thinking about the original beetle will never, be able to be invoked by that 2000s era bug.  Cover bands, while good, are not as good as the original.  Even Journey, with their newish lead singer, as good as he is... is not, steve perry. I imagine this holds true most of the time, but I bet there are some times that the newest version is way way better than the original, but id wager that depends on what you're after.  Performance for instance.  The new corvette is hands down better in every form of performance than the original, but does it invoke the nostalgia and class of the original? of course not. it cant.  Its too new for one. 

ahwell.. just a random thought while driving.  ponder it if you'd like.


p.s.  Ultrasound went well, other than the positions and pressure she had to apply or have me in hurt my back, and im hurting a good bit right now.

Chemo Round 2, Second cycle.

I'm exhausted.  Flat out Exhausted, still.   even after a weekend that was pretty mild, and full of a good bit of resting.   Last week, i pushed myself pretty hard.  In fact I'm pretty sure i over did it.  What did i do that was so draining you ask?  well I was off Chemo, so that was a big plus for once, however, i ended up getting up early every day except Wednesday, and going in to the office to work.  That's right, i actually went in to the office, and worked the entire day four days last week. 

Monday and Tuesday, Emily and I car-pooled together.  It was awesome.  I really enjoyed our ride to and from work together.  Yes, i had her get to work real early so she had time to kill, and yes, i had to stay late in the parking lot and wait an hour after i got off work, but it was nice being able to car-pool together.  I was very tired each night though, and pretty much just had supper each day and went to bed. Wednesday i stayed home and worked from home, so it wasn't that exciting. 

Thursday I drove my own Truck in to the office, and she drove her car.  I got sent home a little early as it was a slow evening, and i was exhausted and my co-workers could tell.  I fell asleep when i got home promptly at like 330 pm, and didn't wake up until after Emily had finished cooking supper.  I ate supper and went back to sleep till the next morning.  Friday morning we car-pooled again,  This time because at lunch i had to take her car to Jim Hudson GMC for it's 30 day checkup.  All went well with that, except they are ordering a new steering wheel to be installed for it, as the plastic trim on it isn't exactly fitting perfectly.  They'll call me once the new parts are in, and schedule a date for me to bring the car in for repair/replacement.  So after that, i went back to the office and worked the rest of the day.  I left work and went to wait to pick Emily up.  We picked up supper and went home. Ate, and watched some Live PD before bed.   I was dozing mostly during the live PD though, and dont remember much of anything. 

Saturday rolled around, and Emily let me sleep in as much as I could. Unfortunately that is not much because i tend to get headaches if I stay in the bed too long.  I did nap some more on the couch while she did some Grocery shopping and went to Pets mart to get some litter for the cat.  That afternoon we met a guy about a gun, and had a quiet evening.  Emily had really worked hard all morning/ day  cleaning, changing litter, etc.  I did go with her to the dump, so we did do that too.  It was a busy day for her more than me, but I was still exhausted. 

Sunday rolls around, and yet again, Emily and I are exhausted still. I end up sleeping quite a bit, either in bed or on the couch, and she does the same.  She also was kind enough to go to CVS for me and get my medications, while cooking a home made crock pot chicken and dumplings, which were exquisite. I really enjoyed them, and would love to eat them a lot more honestly. but they are so filling that one serving is all you can manage.  It was early to bed for me then too, as I knew i needed my rest considering that i had to work on Monday. 

Monday, today, is the beginning of the week.  I'm working from home again.  After last week's learning of a new ticketing system, which is primarily what i do, I needed to test out how i'd work from home doing what i would now be doing from home as its totally different from what it was last 2 weeks ago.  Luckily half way through the day, it appears to be going well.  I'm still exhausted mind you, and i started chemo again today.  Which is not my happiest thing to do, but so be it.

Later this week, i have a dentist appointment and i have to go get an ultrasound on my abdomen, due to elevated liver enzyme levels at the last time i was in my oncologist office.  This should be a busy week, and I sure hope i can get some meaningful rest.  Time will tell.  I've not decided if or when i'll go back to the office to work.  Maybe i will do one day this week, i am not sure yet.  a lot depends how i feel and what all i have going on with doctor appointments.Anyways, im going to sign off for now, and i'm gonna leave you without any neat photo inserts this time.. just a nice big, wall of text.  Thanks for reading, and please feel free to comment, or donate through my Go-Fund-Me or Paypal. 

The past week and weekend, up through Tuesday August 20th.

Today is August 20th.  I've had quite a few action packed days since the last posting. Last week, I got a DM(direct message) from one of my dear friends Mike Herring.  I haven't seen mike in quite some time, but we talk on occasion, and this random message and subsequent conversation did me good.  I really enjoyed it, and catching up with him is always fun.  He was preparing to go for a good vacation out to Hawaii.  I pray that the trip is as much for him as it was for me when i went, even though i was in severe pain at the time due to having un-diagnosed cancer at that time.   He and I go way back, so much so he was even a groomsman in my wedding.  It did me good to talk with him, i hope he realizes that.  I hope he also can come by sometime soon to visit in person.  I'd love to see him even if all we do is sit on the couch and b.s. to  chit-chat. 

Thursday, Emily and I had a dinner date with Jay and Danielle Corely.  We met them at a restaurant in Lexington and had a wonderful meal along with great conversation.  In all we probably spent 2-3 hours with them talking and just enjoying each others company.  It was well overdue, as we hadn't really sat down with them for a meal ever. We got to talk about all sorts of things from the past car club years to new things like the new Acadia and what not. It was real good to see them and we made an executive decision that next time we go out to eat it'll probably be a Saturday and we'll go to Shealy's Barbecue .Wanna talk about good, man that stuff is to die for...

Friday rolled around and while fairly uneventful for working at home wise, I was able to get my tasks done in time to relax a bit before an old high school / Winn-Dixie alum came by.  Jason Stull.  He and I have been friends over 26 years now we figure, and have forged a life long friendship through our shared experiences through school, work, and outside of both when we were younger.  He's since high school graduated from Clemson University in Mechanical Engineering, and served 4 years in the United States Navy aboard the USS George Washington Carrier.  He has a beautiful family, 2 kids and his wife.  His wife, Sarah, has a family lake house out on Lake Murray, which they vacation to sometimes.  Jason was unable to go with them this year due to work, but Sarah and the kids met up with family and went down the week prior.  Jason was coming through town to pick them up from the end of their vacation, and wanted to stop in to see me.  So we made the arrangements and he came by around 7 pm Friday night.  We had a great time, and as a little surprise for him i arranged for my good friend Jason Parks to drop in as well, (we all went to the same high school, worked at winn-dixie together, etc) so it was like a mini-reunion.  We talked to what musta been close to 11 pm before we decided it was getting too late and he had better get going again as it was still another 25-35 minutes of a drive for him to get out to the lake house, and i was getting darn tired.  Unfortunately with the cancer i tend to not have as much stamina as i used to have. :(   

Reflecting upon our conversations, which were all over the place, it did me real good to see Jason and Jason together with me.  We talked about friends and folks we haven't seen, even some folks whom i would never have thought ended up like they did sadly.  It shows you time is neat, but more so can be cruel.  And it also shows you that not everyone stays the same over time.  People change... and not always for the better.   The good news was, that both Jason's are doing great.  Jason S's wife Sarah had been fighting Breast Cancer for 2 plus years and is in remission, fighting and living well now, and my hat is off to her, that is  one strong woman.  Cancer is no joke, it effects the spouses like Jason and Emily just as much as it effects the person with it, Myself, and Sarah.  But i will tell you this, without a strong marriage partner, you will not survive near as easily in my opinion with cancer.  Jason and Sarah are blessed to have each other, just as I am blessed to have Emily.    Overall however, the visit was great, and I wish i could have a month more days like that to hang out with him and just do whatever like we did that night.

Saturday was just as busy.  Emily's mom and her handy-man Dan came down from rock hill to help out mounting a motion lamp in the back yard, and around 3pm my co-worker Cleve was planned to come by the house.  We also were blessed by having Emily cook her famous Chili for us, which was ready right around 3 pm.  So right as Cleve showed up, we were all finishing off our first bowls of Chili.  Luckily she made more than enough for us all to have multiple bowls of it, and thus Cleve was more than happy to have some when we offered.  Her chili is to die for.  Everyone was quite happy with the food, and we watched some of Jaws II while we hung out.  Shortly afterwards my Mom in law and Dan had to leave, so Cleve and i continued our talks and movie watching well into the night.  by 11 pm he was tired and so was I so he had to leave to head home.  I really enjoyed his visit.  It is good that he and I are as close as we are as i think he's the one person i'm closest with at work.  We talked about everything at work, positions, the future, speculation about both, people, and non work things too like movies our spouses, his kids, the whole 9 yards really.  It was a great evening that just put a crown jewel on the night. 

                                                   

Come Sunday i was so tired Emily let me sleep in until 10, and i was so tired still i napped on the couch in and out of consciousness until 3:15 pm.  when she wanted to go take our weekly run to the dump.  We did this, and she surprised me with the suggestion of going to rushes for pineapple shakes.  Who am i to complain about this?!?!!  I love their pineapple shakes, so i took her up on that quite quickly.  We then headed home, as I pulled in the yard, Alex Crumpton, who's working on my purple car, texted saying whats going on with the car, so i opted to go on over to his garage to get him what he needs for the car, as well as show him some new stuff i wanted done to the truck.  Alex and his assistant were really making a lot of headway on the car, as well as a massive Diesel truck they had in there in the other bay as well.  Quite an accomplishment.   Alex is truly talented.  I'm excited that he's doing the work on the Purple car, and that he's as meticulous as he is on it. Its reassuring to know that he is that way, as it is how i am too when i work on things. s Which i miss a lot by the way.  The ability to work on ca rs is one of the cruelest things this disease could have took from me and it did.  No, life's not fair at all. 

After a short visit with Alex about the car I was pretty well tapped out energy wise, so i headed back home and crashed on the couch with Emily for a bit, then we went upstairs and lay in bed and was knocked out. before i knew it it was Monday morning, which involved a whole new amount of stress and fatigue, thats right, I went to work in the office.  for the FULL day.  or at least that was my goal.  Im proud to say that i made my goal as well.

  In the morning Emily and I car pooled to her work, and i dropped her off around 745 am so she could go sit outside till 8 am and go into Starbucks on main campus and get her breakfast sandwich and coffee.  She of course loved the Starbucks, and i went on to work.  I worked the whole day at my office.  With out too much pain, of course, as that is the driving factor in my life.  5 pm rolled around and i had made it without too much pain.  Who'd of thought that i was able to do that.  I know I wouldn't have been able to do so but i sure did. So i proceeded to go to the University Health Center to pick up Emily.  after about 45 minutes of waiting in the car she got off work, and we were on our way home.  Once we got home i was so exhausted (as was Emily) we fell asleep on the couch and slept there till about 930, at which time we relocated upstairs, and promptly fell asleep again.  I know i slept like a brick for the rest of he night.  6 am shows up way to fast when you have to go to work in the mornings. 

Today is Tuesday, its almost over at work, i have just 2 hours left, give or take.  I pray i can make it again.  I'm already planning on not going in tomorrow as i have to have my new chemo meds delivered.  That and the fact that im flipping exhausted. So I will plan on trying to work from home tomorrow and see what i can do then. Learning the new system so far has not been trouble at all for me, in fact i think it is a bit easier than the last one, with all of its issues and convoluted ways of doing things.   The new system is much better over all and more intuitive if you ask me.

and that's about it really.  At this time all else is going well, I just wish i had more stamina or energy so that i could maintain my working of every day at the office. but so far being able to do two back to back hasnt been as bad as it could have been.  I've had back pain yes, and stomach pain, and hot flashes as well still, but they haven't been unbearable like they were weeks ago, right now they are just ok, so i'll push through that for the rest of the day if i can. 

Midweek - 8-14-19

So today is Wednesday.  It's been a very busy week so far.  I've had to work of course and that is normal.  Monday and Tuesday I worked from home, but mid day Monday I had to go with Emily to her Doctor appointment.  He checked her out and said she's looking like she has a clean bill of health, but wanted her to start a journal of the times and duration, and activity she was engaged in when  her heart felt slow or fast paced.  That way he can see if there's a pattern to her feeling as she does.  Unfortunately this didn't sit well with Emily, as she tends to think that the doc didn't think there was anything wrong and discounted her complaints, when in reality its not that, its just that he needs more data to see the pattern to know if it is medication related, or otherwise.  I think if she is able to be diligent on the recordings of the variations in her heart rate, the doctor will be able to point us in the right direction .  Doc did also mention it could be medication induced, as some of her meds are a cocktail for slowing down things. 

Then Tuesday rolled around.  Not much change here, except Em started her Fall / Spring schedule of work, which is go in at 9 am and not get home until after 630 pm.  So it was depressing for me because i liked  her getting home by 5:15 every day.

 One thing we've been doing lately since I got back from being in Charleston for the Bone Marrow Transplant is having supper once a week or every couple weeks with my good friend and the man who was my best man in my wedding, Jason Parks.  Jason came by last night with his prepped meal, and cooked for us again.  This time he served Hamburgers, tater tots, and blackberries. He's a good cook, and made a good cheeseburger last night.  I could only eat mine and a few of the blackberries,  unfortunately the Tots were under cooked a little, and well honestly i was so full off the burger i doubt that i could have enjoyed the tots much without becoming totally miserably full.  That is never good so i'm glad i didn't eat them all.  All three of us did however enjoy our time together and our little chats during cooking and eating.  I value these times with Jason more than I've been able to put into words because i'm a guy for one, and for another its just not came up for discussion.  It's very nice to spend time with him though this way.  We've had a pretty much lifelong friendship, and have played an important part in each other's lives throughout the years. I hope he realizes how much his friendship means to me.

Today, Wednesday, I had to go into my work office for the first time in a long time to work. It originally was to be because of some training that i needed to do on a new software package that we are going to be utilizing to log in work orders.  Well like all things that Prisma Health does, they didnt  have the training documents, presentations, or media ready, so they cannot conduct an online training course if you dont have that stuff.  I decided to go into work anyways, because i figured that I should go in and see how long i can last without too much pain.  This is a big deal because my back just doesnt handle being up for too long, its 130 pm now, and i can really feel the pain in my back now, and oddly my stomach has sharp pains in it too.  So I dont know.  I imagine i'll be heading out of here soon to return to the house without too much pain.

The rest of this week is shaping up to being just as busy as the beginning of the week has been.  Thursday night after work Emily has arranged us to meet up with another dear friend of ours Danielle Corley, and her husband Jay, for supper.  We are going to get pizza most likely and enjoy some time with them discussing our lives, and whatever may come up as a topic. We were fortunate to have seen Jay already once this week, last Sunday, he came by the house and weed eated, edged, and trimmed our hedges at the house.  these are the things that Emily cant do, as the tools too heavy for her.  She Mowed last Saturday morning so having the edging and what not done was necessary as the grass and weeds were starting to try to grow up into and under the vinyl siding of the house.  He (Jay) runs his own landscaping company and we've had him out to the house now a few times to actually trim it up for us. 

Friday, I have an old high school buddy of mine named Jason Stull coming by the house in the afternoon.  He lives in Virginia Beach, but he is coming through Columbia Friday and let me know he'd like to be able to drop by. I told him that would be awesome.  I've known Jason Stull almost as long as I've known Jason Parks, and we've had a lifelong friendship since high school / winn-dixie days here as well.  Jason's a great guy, served in the Navy after he graduated from Clemson university, got married and had a buncha kids.  Sadly his wife, Sara, has also had a rough road health wise like me with Cancer.  i should actually reverse that, as she was diagnosed long before I was, and she's been fighting the battle much longer than I have.  Talk about an inspiration.  She is a true warrior.  I pray for her health, and Jason and her often.  Anyways, I look forward to seeing Jason Friday afternoon, as it's been too long since I've seen him last.  Its funny looking back 25 years ago to high school days, and actually saying, 25 years ago, are high school days.  I really wonder where the time has gone. 

Winn-Dixie, my first real Job.

LHS Wildcats for LIFE!

Saturday, Emily's mom will be coming down with her friend/Handy-Man Dan.  Dan's going to put in a Flood light for the back yard, to ensure that we have ample lighting coverage out back as Mary Ann does not think its lit up enough at night as it gets pretty dang dark at the house at times.  If it were up to me, I'd put 2 flood lights in, one on each corner of the back of the house, to illuminate the entire back yard.  I'll suggest it, but I really don't know what Dan's plans are.  Also, Saturday afternoon, my co-worker and dear friend Cleve will be coming by the house in the afternoon. He's been meaning to come by and hang out with me for a while now and we just now have gotten it scheduled so that he can come and hang out.  We will hang out and what not and catch up on what is going on at work and in our own lives.  I look forward to this time with him. 

Sunday aside from church depending on how i feel, i do not think there is anything else that we are planning on doing.  These days our weekends go by so fast, and bless emily's heart she works so hard around the house when shes not at work, taking care of me, the cat, or the house itself, i feel like she never gets a break.  Its one of the reasons i decided to try to see if we could go get the Acadia for her, as i felt she needed to have a reward of some sort, even if she has to pay for it, a reward of what she has wanted for many years, and besides her old pontiac was getting worn down.  So it was time to get her a new car.  I hope she realizes how much i value her, and that she's invaluable to me. I'd be lost without her.