7:21 am and Norfolk Southern....

My last post about music made me think of this.... Bare with me you'll see how it made me think about this situation.

It was february 1991 or 1992, but im not 100% of it now, after the years have passed... I was either 15 or 16, and a sophomore in high school. I had been driving for only 2 years roughly, as i had gotten my license at 15. I had been given a car from my grandfather for either my 15th or 16th Birthday. I loved that car. The car i Had prior, was one i bought from a neighbor for 300.00. This car had T-Tops, and leather interior, and bucket seats, and a good V8 Engine. The only thing i was missing was a stereo. So I put one in it, and took out the factory 8 track that was in it. This is partly where the trouble started.

It was a school morning in february. the car was a 77 plymouth, which was carbourated, which means it didn't like running in the cold moist air until it was warmed up. Well this morning we were running a little late for school, and since i was driving i gave a ride to school to my neighbor friends J&J S. (they are twins, and while i wont directly write their full names I'll just call them J&J.) Well we had to pick up my best friend A.L. who lived over near the airport. We went over and picked him up, and J&J gave him the passenger seat. The key here is in between my neighborhood and A.L's is highway 1, and worse yet, a railroad track. The railroad tracks we've crossed hundreds of times, and never had any issues. This all changed this fateful morning.

Leaving A.L.'s house we took our standard route to Lexington High School. This involved going up Old Barnwell Road, to Emmanuel Church Road, and then finally to Kitty Wake Road, which met at a railroad crossing at Highway 1, or Augusta Road. The previous week i think it was I picked up the latest CD from one of my favorite Rock Bands, VAN HALEN. (see where the music tie in is now?) It was their latest CD as I had said and was called : For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, or F.U.C.K. for short. (side note, while this CD was out, anyone else remember CLEAR PEPSI?!?!!? God i loved that stuff!!) This cd, had 11 songs on it. We'd been listening to it in my new sony car Stereo on my 2 12" Pyramid subs (yes i had pyramid, i was poor, and it did the job, later on in my life, i went for the good stuff when i had more money... and now you know why i cant hear well) CD players were not cheap back then and it was really cool to have one, so i thought i was doing well.

Anyways, upon arriving at the intersection of Highway 1 and KittyWake Road we were stopped in traffic waiting to make a left on to Hwy 1. Those of you who know this intersection know how it is setup now. Kittiwake meets highway 1, with about 12 feet of a sharp inclined hill, then railroad tracks. These tracks back then, only had the two side poles for lamps. There was no crossing arms (it wasnt until much later when a trucker was killed there cause he got stuck on the little hill and a train struck him were they put in) there was not even a stoplight back then. It was a right lane turn, a left lane turn, an oncoming lane to go down kitty wake and a stop sign for us turning right or left onto highway 1 and the two pole lights. that was it. Well the little hill was before Highway 1, and sloped down to highway 1, but after the railroad tracks. So if your sitting on the tracks, your actualy at the crest of this little hill. The hill has enough room for maybe 2 cars, the third would be on the tracks and the fourth would be just before the tracks.

At the time we arrived at this intersection there were many cars, and we slowly got to a point where there were two cars on the hill, a small white hatchback on the tracks, and us after that white hatchback. Now, remember the car stereo i described? remember the Van Halen CD? heres where it comes into play. We'd been listening to the CD for the entire trip to school so far, and we were going to continue the rest of the way I'm sure. That stereo system i mentioned, well it meant we listened to the CD at a much larger volume than "normal" people. Besides that fact, we had been in the traffic to make the left onto highway 1 (4 lane road btw.) for about 15 minutes. at my age back then i was shall we say , less than patient.

Slowly the cars ahead moved out of the way, and the white hatchback sat there on the tracks, and I before the tracks. there was a few cars behind me, but not that many. The white hatchback driver, seemed like he wouldnt move up even when folks in front of him had already moved off. So hes sitting there and wont turn. he could have pulled forward, or turned by now many times. At this time we're listening to the first third of teh song "right now" which was number 9 on the disk. We've muted the CD player, to half volume, as we're arguing at why the idiot in front wont go. At that point the guy in the white hatch back pulls forward enough to get half way down the hill, and turns in his seat, and points to our right. which was down tracks toward columbia. I immediately put my car in to reverse, and perhaps put too much pedal down.


Remembering the next few steps will take longer to read what i write, than the time it took them to really happen. It was only a split second that all this happened in.... Now remember me saying it was cool, and misty.. well the ol Volare, she stalled. so I try to start her again, and i cant cause its in Reverse. So now i reach down to the console shifter, and put her in neuteral. Then i reached up to start her again..... As my hand touched the keys a shadow loomed from my right and WHAM!!!! the music stopped, all we hear is a train going by, and then there was Tink.... tink..... tink....tink.... the sounds of the individual railroad cars hitting my front bumper as they went by....

Let me stop there, with four teenage boys in a car that was just hit by a trian... and reassure you all, as sure as im typing this, we all were unscathed. Not a single injury. Now back to the story.. the cars behind me backed up, we're in shock, we cant believe we were hit. we're mad, because our ride to school (my car) is probably totalled. We're sitting there discussing for what seemed hours that we should get out and push the car back, or stay in car until the trian passes. We opt to get out and push the car back. I cant open my driver door (2 door car) at first. The driver front fender had been pushed to wedge the door some. i had to put my legs into it to push it open. once we have it open i let one of the J's out and make sure A and the other J got out. they did, we begin to push the car back. off to the side of the road in the dirt. There we were asked by a few cars behind us if we were ok. we were. Someone said they were going to go call the police and ambulance. We waited.

The train stopped, just up tracks finally. The conducter ran down to the intersection... paniced, as he should have been... we had no idea how lucky we were to be alive. Later we learned we ripped some wiring out of the engine when it hit us, and the train was stuck there for hours. The cops showed. Both state troopers. One in a mustang 5.0, who looked like he was the evil terminator in Terminator2 was a dick. Thats bout all i remember about them. I dont think i got fined, or ticketed luckily. The firedepartment showed too. we were chastised for being so close to the tracks, even though we werent on them. All of our parents were called. All my friends who were in the car that morning stayed home from school that day if I remember correctly. I was not so lucky. My stepfather forced me to go to school.

It was probably 10 am when i got to class. That was the day I learned I had died. Or that was the rumor that was going around the school then. Little did we know that near in the future my best friend A.L. would in fact be taken from us in a very unfortunate Auto Accident. :( J&J, well after high school we lost track, lost touch. their parents still live down the road. Ive recenetly been able to reconnect with one of the j's, and my best friend A.L.'s sister and father thru Facebook. A.L.'s wreck is a story for another day.. I was nearby when that happened... and it pains me to this day to recant the entire thing. So i spent the rest of that day, at school, opening the classes (even at the teachers permission) recanting the entire situation, and what had happened. Then after i had gotten home, J&J met me there. My car had been towed there. It sat in my side yard. I tried to start it, she wouldn't start. no power... so we opened the hood completely.. There it was, the battery had came unhooked. So one of the J's i think it was or myself reconnected it. I put the keys in the ignition and the turned her over. She fired right up.... hellatious noise though. Fan was in the radiator. The bumper had moved about a foot and a half to the left. Thus disconnecting the battery and a lot of other things. She'd never be the same again if i were to get it fixed and what was worse was i didn't have the money to get her fixed. The one thing i didn't mention though, was that instant i started her up, The van halen cd that was in my sony CD player, picked up right where it had left off that morning playing, "Right Now".....

Music and the sounds of our lives....

As of late i have been a bit a bit slack about posting. I have gone now two days without a single post. I dont intentionally do this, but due to being so busy lately i have had to take time off from posting, and when i did get time to relax i was just too tired to put my thoughts down. That being said, it brings me to our latest topic...

To me as i get older, music has become more and more of a noticable emotional trigger for me. I've noticed that as ive gotten older, i've been able to associate things with certian songs. things from my past, moments in time if you will. Thus by hearing the song, listening to it on either the radio, computer, or an application that i personally look up and choose to play, brings back the memories, sounds, and even smells of the times i had while listening to the songs.

To this day, for example every time i hear DJ Rob Base's It Takes Two to make a thing go right, It takes me back to my first fall in South Carolina. I was 13 years old, and i was at my very first experience with my family at the SC State Fair. Hearing that, and Paradise City by Guns and Roses, and instantly im 13 again, smelling the elephant ears, hearing the Himyllian spin blasting dj rob base.... feeling the cool crisp air of the fall in SC. The corndogs are fresh, and the candy apples are shining beautiful deep candy red, and caramel tan. To feel semi alone, like i did then, when i was a new kid in a new town, having just started school a month earlier, well lets just say the insecurity i had back then was fairly traumatic. At the same time, however, to be with my family enjoying this great grand time of a state fair (which i never had in virginia, as metro DC didnt really have state fairs)was so much fun it was something you never wished to end. Half of me feels just like i did back then now when i listen to these songs. The other half, well it knows im not 13 anymore, and it knows that for the most part, i'll never be able to feel that way again.


Another Song/ group of songs is some of the Police's earliest work. Songs like Every step you take, or do do do da da da, take me back instantly to a pre teen age for me. I was probably 6, 7 or 8, and was living in Virigina with my mom and dad and sister. We had friends, that we had met in an apartment complex called Lyndhurst. It was off of Little River Turnpike, and i think it stands still to this day. I was very close with a little girl there, we were supposed to grow up and marry each other, according to our childhood thoughts. When my mom and dad got divorced we didnt get to hang out as much as we did before, and unfortunately both our familys had moved out of that complex a long time prior. (thanks to the internet though, and facebook, we've since re-connected and have had the ocasional chat, she and her family live up in the greater DC area still, or at least closer to DC than i do lol) But anyways, anytime i hear the Police's early work, it takes me back to being at her family's lake house that they were renovating(her dad was in construction) and nailing shingles on the roof, having fun in the loft he built for his daughters, and just playing and having fun. These memories i suppose i cherish, and while i didnt really think about it like that before i posted this blog entry, i realize i really do cherish them, and will for the entirity of my life. If only it were that simple to go back to those simple times and re-live them. Life is cruel that in the grand scheme of things you never know what you have, nor do you realize how nice life was as a child until it is over, and your an adult with adult worries.

I could go on of course, with more examples, in fact i was going to. However I thought just now I'd post a second post this morning, about the third song/group of songs. This will at least keep the posts at somewhat of a manageable readable lenght. I hope you know and experience what I'm talking about. If your around my age, go back and listen to the music of the times of middle school thru high school, and reflect. I am pretty sure you will experience some memories that are so powerful they can bring you to tears, for one reason or another... Until then, i'll be enjoying Every Breath You Take.....

A rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction....

The title of this blog post, is in fact an ancient Chinese proverb.  As of late I've found great wisdom in these little proverbs.  And even some comfort in them i must admit.  You see, over the thousands of years that there has been literate peoples, people have thought of the same things, felt the same things, and done the same things many times. 

The Rat and cat are both metaphors, and can be applied to any person, or thing, that correspond with the cat's tail, which is a metaphor in itself of course for any issue problem, item, thing, person, place, that the "rat" shouldn't mess with, worry about, ask about, use, break, or look at or any other action with.  That being said, it is much like the old saying of "be careful what you ask for, as you may just get it" 

In our personal lives we all face many trials.  Some we deserve, some we don't.  Many times we're both the rat, and the cat.  To this I ask you, is it in fact better to be the rat, gnawing at the cat's tail, attempting to find out, what we don't really want to know?  Is it better to live oblivious to whatever wrath the cat will dish out, from us biting its tail, or is it better to actually gnaw at that tail, and get that wrath, because you at least know whatever it was, and can then move on from there?  Perhaps these are the questions we should ask before we gnaw on that tail.  Perhaps it is better to know not what you ask, or suspect, because whatever it is you ask or suspect if you are right on your hunches, will signal the end of whatever it is your inquiring about?  One must remember even the end of one thing however, does not mean all things stop, but rather it means the beginning of something else.  So by the end / beginning cycle, maybe it is better to be that rat, gnawing. 

Me? well I don't know.  I've always thought i was a good middle ground, even keel  person. I'd rather not know some things, due to the hurt it may inflict inside me.  At the same time though, sometimes I'd just like to know to get it over with.    What is right or wrong on these decisions is entirely of course subject based.  I by no means am a perfect man. I try to keep a word once given.  I've been told by many I'm too nice, and i get taken advantage of. Maybe that is why i don't play the rat as much as some others.  I know many folks who go headstrong into things, and sometimes it really works for them, they solve the issue and it goes away... but many times it doesn't. Many times it just makes more heartache and pain for that person.  don't rock the boat you sit in, or you may just capsize. 

Does my quietness signal weakness? does it mean that i don't care? quite the opposite i feel.  I feel a wise man thinks before he acts... a wise man keeps a word given, be it in business, home, or love.  Loyalty, is held in high regard in my eyes.   These all are reasons I do not like being the rat.  The rat, however, never learns these things, and thus gnaws on the tail of the cat, who guards his friends, family, and loves, with fierce and formidable weapons. My loyalty should not be taken as a weakness either.  It is a strength that will repay me 1000 fold to those who truly care.  For those i am loyal to, will return it when it counts i feel.  I hope that is not something that will ever be tested however. 

At Times one thinks that confrontation solves things, at other times, one thinks confrontation does nothing but cause more issues.  I guess I end up being one to be more the glass is half full person (which is strange to hear myself say, as I've traditionally been cynical, and sarcastic of wit)  which means I'm one to avoid the confrontation if at all possible... I also think it is better to be that way, because words can cut deeper than knives, and often leave wounds that never heal.  So if I'm the rat, and I'm gonna gnaw on that cat's tail, i must remember that what that cat may say, may hurt me more, longer, than any swatting that cat would have or could have done.  Thus in my role as a rat, I would prefer you to simply hand me some cheese, and allow me to nibble on it in the corner... and keep your tail to yourself, thus keeping the pain of the cats destruction far away from  my fragile little heart....  At times however, some cat's tails are big enough that they must be gnawed, and in doing so, destroying the rat, the cat, and the tail all together, so that the cat and the rat can reform into equals, and thus have no problems at all....

Winter is coming....

it is the saying of House Stark, from the new TV series on HBO called Game of Thrones.   The show, is based on books by George R.R. Martin.  I've not read the books before i saw the first season of the show.  The show, to say the least, is quite incredible. So much so, I've begun reading the books. The saying i think is applicable to many things at this time in our world.


Winter is coming. It is a statement that to me can mean many things. Right now, it is fall. so yes, indeed winter, is coming. But does this have more applications?  Could this apply to our current financial situation? They say the recession ended in 2009.  I don't know about you all, but to me it is still on going.  If not getting worse day by day.  The stock market, it is a sham.  They go up and down because people are manipulating it so they can get rich off of those less fortunate. They being, of course, those in power.   I keep hearing of more and more folks loosing their jobs.  More people are falling off the unemployment because they've been on it so long now they're no longer eligible for it.  Does this mean the jobless rate goes down? No, it means the government can say it went down because these folks are no longer on unemployment. It is all a shell game.  So in this instance, winter is indeed coming, as more are out of work, and off unemployment, thus they have little to no money incoming, and yet are still having a  pretty bleak future.  Hell there are people in my department who haven't received a raise in over 8 years. if that doesn't say something about our countries current situation i don't know what does.  We used to get at least "cost of living" raises. 

What about a bigger picture than the average Joe though?  Look outside of the US, look at say, Greece, Italy, Spain, Ireland, and the situation their governments are in currently.  They've all but declared bankruptcy, and probably should.  The fact is they cannot support the policies that they've enacted over the years. there is not enough money coming in. The only reason we here in the U.S. aren't that bad yet, is cause we can print our own money.. those countries cannot as they're based largely on the euro.  So this is yet another indicator that perhaps winter is indeed coming to the world financially speaking at least. 

Winter is coming.... to any chance and hope of peace in the middle east.  The fact that the Islamic "spring" and now "fall" and the application of Palestine to the UN without any formal declaration of the acknowledgement of Israel being a sovereign country that deserves to exist is proof of that in itself.  The fact of the matter is that the resurgence of an Islamic caliphate  and the rise / resurgence of sharia law is proof enough to know that winter is coming on freedom, and on the ability of Israel to withstand any form of major attack by a combined Islamic led attack.   Don't get me wrong here, I'm not anti-Islam.  I'm anti radical Islamic.  Everyone and let me restate that EVERYONE deserves to be able to worship any form they wish, as long as it does not hurt anyone else.   You go worship at temple, ill go to church, you to your synagogue, and afterwards we'll all go for tea and biscuits for all I'm concerned. 

Winter is coming..... on our nation?  Historically folks, any great nation / empire hasn't lasted usually more than oh 225 years or so.  guess what.  1776 to 2011... do the math. 235years and counting. I'm one to say the United States of America is the GREATEST country on this planet, and while no government is perfect, we've got about the best one that mankind could come up with..... that being said, we've strayed from our founders, and from our constitution. I fear that the only way to get rid of the bureaucracy and the career politicians would be full blown revolution.  Granted its a little further apart than the every 20 years Thomas Jefferson thought it'd be but none the less i think it will have to happen.  No one "representing" us really knows what the so called "middle class"(read as working poor) go through these days.  Being college educated, and still making under 50k a year with student loans, house bills, kids, etc... all that and much more that most of us "middle class" have to put up with, well... it ain't no 100k a year lifestyle we live. 

Winter is coming.... look at the increased solar activity.  The sun is putting gout a ton of solar flares as we're in a heightened solar activity period.  All it takes is one of these solar flares to shoot out on our side of the sun, and guess what, poof instant stone age.  No power. No power for a long time most likely. how many folks know how to survive without power these days?  can you plant food without power/power tools?  What about fresh water? how do most of us get fresh water?? sure it comes to our home.  well do we have fresh water when we have no power?  sure, as long as the water plant has power.  somethings pumping that water to us, what is that i wonder?   well then you say so what, maybe I'll just go to the store and buy bottled water.  again, stores have no power. how long will all that food keep without power?  and no power could also mean no cars, cause most cars are electrical / computer driven in nature.. A large flare could knock out our computer chips on boards even if not turned on.  Oh yes, it gets complex fast.  Yea, your right. I'm crazy and just imagining this.. that's why the US Government did a thorough report on it here : http://www.empcommission.org/

Winter is coming..... in my life.  I'm 36.  I have no kids sadly, and until the past 2 years or so, I've not really had the desire...   Perhaps it is cause I've always worried about being a good father, or perhaps it is because it happens to every person at one time or another when they realize they want them. I don't know.  I do know that I have no one to carry on my name, my memory nor my hopes, desires or love.  At my age, my life is most likely more than over now than it isnt.  Fact is at my current age now, 100 years ago i'd of been lucky to have lived this long. Seeing my Grandfather aging, and begining to slow down has become a sort of wakening.  Couple that with the other relatives and friends I've lost due to old age, or any other reason, be it natural or an accident it really starts to weigh on a person.  What have i to show for my life? Material objects mostly, but they do not matter in the grand scheme of all things.  What will i leave behind, and worse yet, who will remember me, and miss me when I am gone. I have none that will that i know of... or at least none that will beyond their own years from having personally known me....  and this is a cold reminder that winter is indeed coming....

Southern Saturdays and a buss ride to school....

Welcome to fall in the south.  There is perhaps no greater thing for the greater majority of people here than College Football.  it's on just about every channel. Fans are covered in paint, gear, and the finest team spirit items they can find.  Here the women dress up in dresses with their favorite team's Logo on them, and I dont mean just any old dress, i mean attractive well thought out, and well made dresses.  Fellas wear jerseys, t-shirts, or even no shirt at all and paint themselves from dang near head to toe with the colors of their favorite teams, and some even have letters spelled out on their chests and backs.

Here in Columbia, i can remember as a 7th grader, being asked on one of my first buss rides to school after the move down here was i a gamecock or a tiger.  I had no idea what they meant.  I didnt quite get it, so after some explanation by the guys and girls around me i had to choose.  Right there and right then.  I had no idea which to choose of course, and it was even worse cause i've never really cared for sports.  Sure back "home" in Virginia I played Soccer.. but when mentioning soccer here I was greeted with strange looks.  Oh the joys of being 13 and transplanted from the Metro DC area to what i viewed as my own personal southern hell of hickville where there was nothing to do, and no one i knew.  Back to having to choose.... I think, and i truely mean this that I think i choose Gamecock.  Honestly though, im not 100% sure on that.  Either way, the future played out that indeed i was a going to become a Gamecock... even if I hadnt chosen that back then on that morning ride to school.

Fast forward to 1993.. I applied at many many colleges, and was somehow accepted to many of those i applied at.  I was fortunate enough to get Acceptance Letters from : Francis Marion University, Embry Riddle University, The Citadel, and The University of South Carolina.  Anyone who knows me, by now, knows the path i chose.   I decided to stay at home, buy a car, and go to USC.  I had made this decision for a few reasons.  1, a new car, 2 a girl, 3, i was still angry at the bullshit my commander in ROTC pulled over kissing ass and promotions, and 4, i was young and dumb.  (While the prior has changed, sometimes i wonder if the latter still persists. )  So in fall of 1994, i started my life as a Gamecock.  It took me damn near 15 years to finish my degree.  I worked full time throughout my college career.  I supported my mother thru a divorce, i got married, i worked 2 jobs at times, so yea needless to say, my life was complex, and my college career.  Bottom line is I did complete it.  However my gamecock career didnt end there.  In 08 i was hired by the USC School of Medicine.  Thus becoming an alum of both USC and the School of medicine.  I've told you all this because it shows how deep the blood runs in the south.  Folks fight, as Carolina and Clemson proved during the last game of Lou Holtz's coaching career. 

There is nothing quite like the feeling of a college town on game day.  When i say game day in the south it is largely referring to Football.  However lately the Gamecocks have had this apply to our incredible Baseball team as well.  The smells and sounds you hear while tailgating, or being in the stadium during the game, it is truly electric.  You can see it in the air, the energy, the hopes, and excitement.  Not to mention the pain, and sorrow when your team is not able to win that game.  Odd how even the most anti sports fan can convert on a game day in a town.  Especially if that team won.  When your team takes the field and your in that stadium, it is incredible.  I recommend everyone to see at least one game in person.

Today is of course a game day here in the south, and everyone everywhere are sporting their teams colors.  for those of you who care less, forgive us crazy fans.  Sometimes our idiocy is due to too much alcohol, sometimes its just too much passion because we spent so much money in tuition for so many years.  Others have their passion and pride because while they've never been able to go to the school, they have pulled for them all their lives because of many reasons, family, friends, or even a bus ride to middle school...


GOOOOOOOOOOO COCKS!!!

To forget one's ancestor's is to be a brook without a source, a tree without root...

And for me, until the past 3 or 4 years, I've been just that.  While growing up, sure i had a family.  It was a good family too for the most part. Yes we had our issues, much like every family has.  I come from a  pretty complex family system.  You see my mother was adopted, and I never knew my biological father.  Yes, I have a dad, now, more folks that could be considered dad than really deserve it actually.  But knowing this, has meant I never truly knew my biological genealogy.  Where i came from, and for me with my interest in history, and the like, well it was not easy for me. 

My mother and my Biological father were never married.  They dated.  My biological father was evidently married when my mother and he were dating, although he was separated from his wife.  There is doubt on what happened as to why they split, one side says one thing, the other says the other... that's neither here nor there now. .Fact is i was conceived and born.  My mother married shortly afterwards, and I was given a sister.  This man is the man I have always called dad.. and will for the rest of my life. When i refer to my dad it is of him whom i speak.   Some 6 years later or so they split up, and divorced.  My mother remarried when i was 10, and gave it a go for 12 or 13 years.  then divorced.  This man was good to begin with, but he had issues later and well we never really got along 100% of the time.   I shoulda guessed there was something wrong with him when he told us he lived in a tree house for 2 years, but i was young, and who am i to judge a single man's choices on living environments.  There were no children borne from this marriage, as there weren't any from my mothers third, and so far fourth marriage luckily.  


Well back in November of 2008, I received a call from my mother.  She and I had been on rocky terms due to things with my half sister and my mothers mother, whom I've recently found out had been and is currently suffering from Vascular Dementia which is now advanced.  Long story short, this phone call stated she had located my biological father and he wanted to speak with me.  The decision to actually have him know i existed, or if he knew that i did already, the decision to actually contact him was taken from me without ever being offered in the first place.   Over the next few months we spoke a couple times, and we have corresponded fairly frequently via the Internet in email and the like.   He has filled in a lot about my blood heritage.  Things including the fact that I have 3 half siblings by him, in addition to my half sister with my mom and the man i refer to as my "dad", and his 2 daughters with his second wife.  So in all now, i find myself with 6 siblings, when for the most part i only grew up with 1, and knew of 3. 

On my Biological fathers side, i found that he was originally a native South Carolinian.  His family was all from the Upstate, Seneca, oconee county.  He doesn't seem to like most of his family, and usually doesn't have nice things to say about where he came from. I don't understand that, and in that fact we are vastly different.  Good or bad, where you come from is where you come from. It does not necessarily make you who you are. You  make you who you are.

Anyways, i found out that in fact we have Oconee Cherokee in our blood, and I believe from what I've found I'm 1/16 or 1/32nd Cherokee on his side. I don't know for sure, as well, I'm not good at math, and damned if i understand how all this works.  lol.  I also found by using a web site called Ancestry.com, that my forefathers on his side came over to America in 1635 on the HMS Speedwell.  They landed at Jamestown Colony, and settled not far up the river, before they started migrating thru VA to eventually land in SC.   That ship carried not 1 of my forefathers, but 2.  The ships captain was one of them.  I have all the information saved in my ancestry.com profile, and also a local copy in a pc program called family tree maker.  This also explains the reasons that  once i moved here to SC, I've felt at home, and do not want to move away.  Even though i was born in Virginia and spent my first 13 years there, I definitely consider myself a native south Carolinian, and I'm rather proud of it.  

Along with the amazing find that my ancestors were among the first settlers of the new world, I also think i discovered some lines that go back as far as 1530's to Belfast Ireland, and get this, 1020's Whales.   Granted i say i think, because 1, I'm using ancestry.com alone, and 2, how accurate were records back then?  I'm not one to say, but I am quite happy to know all about this stuff, as it is not only very interesting but it is nice to know where i come from basically.  (especially with the fondness i have toward all things Celtic, and also all things Native American) 

Now, while things are still rocky on my mother's side, I've been in contact with my half sister on my fathers side.  She has a son, and wants to meet up one day to talk.  I think this may be nice to do.  My biological father also wants to meet in person. I do not know if I can ever make it to Florida to meet him, but i haven't ruled it out.  For now, I am glad to continue the emails and communicate that way with him... I do not know how my half brothers would feel about even talking with me.  I have never done so, and initially i got the impression from my half sister that they did not want to know me or have anything to do with me.  This may have changed by now, I do not know though.. it would be nice to think they would be slightly curious enough but I do not know.  My half sister didn't seem to thrilled when she found out about me, but like i said since then we've spoken via the Internet a good bit...

My mothers side, however is still a mystery. I know she was born in Beckley / Charlestown West Virginia, but i know nothing of her biological parents. I have heard that she did look into finding her biological parents. I don't know how true this is, nor do i know if I'll ever know but i do think it would be nice to know.   The man I call my grandfather, (her adoptive father) to me is the man I've always considered my father.  Deep within me, I've never doubted this.  I thank him for most if not all of my beliefs, morals, and interests.  Not only could i always count on him, i never once had a doubt on that.  His silent strength has been what I've aspired to be all my life... and now in the twilight of his years, he has been diagnosed with Bladder cancer, and opted to not have surgery.  I cannot fault this decision, but for many years I've tried to make myself believe he'd live forever, and things would never change.  The cruel twists of life are in fact that they do change, and no one lives forever.  Because of the rift in my family, I have been unable to see him in the past 3-4 years.  This hurts me more than I'll ever say.  I do speak with him on the phone but much like many other things, it is not the same.  I do not think i can ever forgive my sister or my grandmother for taking him away from me... nor for the other issues they have caused me in my life.... if things were only how they were back before then....  There is truly nothing more scary to a man in my opinion than being totally alone, while not physically, but feeling it inside, deep inside, in every fiber of their being, that no one is there for them any longer.  That is a very sad and lonely place to be and I do not know how else to explain it nor the torture that a man experiences every minute of every day feeling that way. 

Well I've gone on long enough for this post.. I've touched on many things i didn't even intend to.  I hope someone enjoys the read, and if so inclined to do so comments on my ramblings. until our next post... I wish you all the best.

Why do folks think that you have nothing else to do but serve them...

so my job is on a service based system.  You have a problem we come fix it.  If we missed something, we have to reschedule, because we are VERY busy.  For some reason folks forget that we cannot just drop everything instantly and come by, when in fact, we have to operate like a doctor and perform triage.  Dont get me wrong, I love fixing things, and helping people, and trying to assist any way i can but i mean dang.  2000 plus pc's to service, plus other additional tasks, and only 4 folks to do it with, is a tough deal, and when one is out, one is out partly and the other 2 are up to their eyebrows in hardware and surveys, theres only so much that gets done. 


I know i know, quit bitchin and get your big girl panties on.  and your right.. but i figured id share for the hell of it anyways.  Not like you all are talking much and well, its kinda theraputic.On another note... i just played a song i found on spotify and it slightly horrified me. 

It's by Willie Nelson.  Its called "cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other"   Willie musta been smokin some whack ganga then...

A man is only as good as his word....

Now here's a very interesting phrase.  Back in the day, i can see it as being true. Now a days though things have changed. Somewhere, somehow, honor has not been instilled in people.  I know i know, your thinking, oh god here we go again.  But think about it.  If people would just shake hands and give their word, and then live up to it, wouldnt things be much more simple?  Perhaps even better for many folks? 

I dont know maybe im off base, maybe the word of a man is now as meaningless as say, this blog post.  I dont know.  I know that when I say i'll be somewhere i try to be, when i say I'll do something I do my best to do it.  Maybe im just old fashioned, maybe im just making more of this than it really is. But nonetheless i think our world would be a better place if we all just gave our words and kept our
promises.

This can be applied to many many things in life besides business deals or negotiatons.  Imagine the how the divorce rate would drop if folks would just keep their word.  Imagine how the government would be ran if all politicians kept their word from being on the campaign trail.  Imagine how many folks would not loose their job, or would get raises, or would get promotions if people just kept their words.  Really the lack of people keeping their words is in fact part of what is wrong with our modern society.  Truthfulness, trust, honesty, morals, ethics, all of which are directly connected to keeping your word..... 

I dare folks, for 1 long week to keep your word.  Say what you mean, mean what you say... even if it is a small thing like sure i'll do the dishes, or a complex thing like a business deal, or even simply saying "I love you" keep that word.  Only say things that you truely mean for 1 week.. see if it makes your life better, or worse, or no change..   I for one will try it myself. ...  and i hope to hear back from some of you on here in the comments section

Thunderstorms are comfort food for the soul...

So on the way home from work today the weather turned rather nasty.  Today being a Wednesday and the week being almost over i decided i'd drive the old way home.  Traffic miraculously wasnt that bad., but the weather has thus turned worse.  All day it threatened for storms, and finally of course as i got home, it dropped out. 

I dont know if its just me but there is something i find magical with a good old fashioned thunder and lightening storm. I love the smell of the rain, or asphalt i should say before or right after it.  The large booming thunderclaps that echo inside your bones, and the blinding flash of the lightening just reminds me of my childhood... and the playing outside having been ruined by the storms. 

as a side note, they also make you uncontrollably want to fall asleep wherever you are and sleep the sleep of the gods. 

My First Blog Post....

There are many things ive contemplated in life.  One of these many things was actually becoming part of the blogosphere.  Ive never really thought that I had much to say that anyone would like to hear. Hell, many times folks just wish i'd shut up.  Fact is, I have a strong personality.  I don't know where this personality came from as when i was younger (read as teen) i was pretty shy.  I think i still am kinda shy but who knows.  I guess ones opinion of ones self can and should vary at times from what other people think of you..

with that all being said though as you can tell now, i've since decided to join Blogspot.com  I dont know how much ill use this, or if I'll even do much here. I dont know what i'll write or when or how i'll write it.  I dont know if  i'll use it as a thoughts poster, a life biography, or both, or if i'll simply rant or ramble on things. 

That brings me to the thoughts of offending folks.  If I offend you here in my blogspot because i mention you, am critical of you , or any other reason, I apologize only for offending you or hurting your feelings. I do not apologize for what i may write, because either i was feeling that way at the time, or in fact it is true. If by some odd chance it is neither, well kid them's the breaks.  Put your big girl panties on and suck the shit up.  Cause I don't believe in being politically correct, and i dont think i should sugar coat anything anymore.  Fact is thats half whats wrong with this world, is that no one says what they mean or means what they say anymore.  Old people have it good in that regard. They say what they mean, and usually folks just write it off as being old and crotchety, but damned if it aint amazingly liberating. 

Speaking of old people, I am enjoying some Tony Bennett right now from his new CD Duet's II.  Now you may think why are you listening to Tony Bennett.  I dont know.... it was on spotify (which is fricking AWESOME) and damned if it aint good music. 


I guess I should wrap up my first blog post here now. ... I got shit to do and little time to do it in.. you know what they say "another day, another dollar" well now a days its more "another day, another penny" but thats another story.. hell may even be a topic of another post.  We'll see.... thanks for reading, and commenting or sharing or whatever folks do on  / with these things.  I really hope that i can make you smile, think, and empathize with me at times.. .the rest, well you tell me.