Ramblings of an irritated idiot...

Is it wrong to be amazed that folks who work in an office environment for the past 20 or 30 years have no idea how to use the very basic computer functions? I myself am totally amazed. These people make over 50k a year and dont know how to copy and paste. Or they dont know how to Extract files from a zip file. What is even more amazing is that windows has a built in unzip extraction now with windows 7, which is what they are using by the way....

I know i know, im being overly critical and harsh just because i'm in the IT field, and i shouldnt be so critical of folks because they dont do IT stuff on a daily basis. BULLSHIT. Im talking copy and paste here people. You do it every time you get pictures off your camera, (oh wait they cant do that either) or every time you move a file to the recycle bin.

These people are in charge of your payroll or your healthcare benifits, or your admission into that university, or your recertification or whatever. Your life as a business person depends on these people and their ability to do their job. This should scare the shit out of you. I know it does me. What is it that folks just dont understand about learning the basics of computers? You know theyve used them for the past 20 years almost. they really should know how to navigate the basics by now.. Or one would think.

another thing that gets me going is common sense. one would think its common with that name. Ugh. I suppose its like we say about a drive on a park way and park on a drive way. Makes no sense why we named them what we named them. I had a person a while back, out of the blue ask me if i remembered a spreadsheet i made, and then maield to everyone about computers that needed replaced. (i made said spreadsheet so i wouldnt have to commit everything to memory) I said yes, i remember the spreadsheet i mailed it to you, and everyone else. Why? This person then said nevermind I'll figure it out. I was like if you were gonna do that why even bother asking me if i remembered it. I then got attitude from her the rest of the day, when asked what the deal was, she said i am difficult to deal with. She has yet to see me difficult, but i assure you, she will see me difficult from now on. I'm done with it. Dont ask me stupid questions and i wont give you stupid answers.


I had a buddy give me a scare this week. I woke up groggy one morning and saw him on crimestoppers. Turns out the police are idiots and grasping at straws. They said he may be a person of interest, but the video and photos made him look to be guilty. Goes to show you theyre just as dumb as the news are. He got it all sorted within 8 minutes of talking to the officers, (they knew he was innocent before they aired the video. they were literally hoping he'd remember some guy pumping gass at a gass station at 430 in the morning.) Shows how stupid they are. Oh well, better hope your no where near any crime or you may be broadcast as a person of interest.

Thank goodness it is friday. I am ready for some gamecock football, and i am ready for some relaxing weekend time.

Twilight of the gods...

I've been wanting to write lately.  I just am not inspired to write about anything in particular.   I have a lot going on in my mind. A lot of things are good, and a  lot of them are not.  If you'd of asked me this time last year how i thought life was turning out for me I'd of told you a totally different tale than the one i am now spinning.

I've got to get to the beach soon, to see my grandfather.  If for no other reason to drop in for a few hours and see him.  I don't want to drive all the way there to just see him for a few though.  I feel that he'd want to make me go see my grandmother, and that wont happen.  I have nothing to say about her or for her or to her. Much like my mother's daughter.  I had some lady ask me in facebook if i was her brother as she lives across the street from her. I told her no, i am not.  As far as I'm concerned both she and my grandmother are dead to me. 

Finances are always kicking around in my head, I worry about them too much I've been told. But at least i am keeping them in check.  No matter how much i worry.  Not to mention the other issues at home. There is some stuff i don't even write about and or talk about, for fear that by giving them speech or written word they may in fact turn true, or at least, more true than they have already been.  I'm no longer sure of what i want, or how i want things to turn out.  I wonder if it's too little too late.  I wonder if .. just if... a lot.  The doubts in life are in fact some of the harshest things I've come across.  Doubt in someones word, doubt i someones deed, doubt in someones intent or non-intent.  Just doubt. 

Then theres other things too job related things. Not so much my work, as my work is good.  Yes there is the occasional idiot who rains on my parade, but there is little enough i can do about that.  The work of the wife is another issue, and her night shift hours which in my opinion has created a lot of the stress / doubt /issues /problems.  One can only pray for salvation from this dungeon I've been locked into for the past year or more.  Fate is cruel, and after i had been sentenced to working nights for so long, only to get a job that i don't have to do that at, and then to have her as such on nights, well it doesn't fix my situation, in fact all it did was reverse our places, and thus create this situation all over again. My mother's recent visit over to attempt a patch up of the situation has evidently yielded no joy.. and furthermore hasn't yielded even an answer as to weather or not it had any bearing. 

What is life about anyways?  I had at one time thought it was about finding someone you can spend your life with, to depend on them, both physically and emotionally, and to enjoy the company of that person, while you eventually raised a family, and met the goals you both set for yourselves and your family unit wile being the best person you could be.  Now, i don't know. Now i sit here waiting, no hoping for, the end of civilization.  Be it in an economic collapse, an invasion, a zombie induced viri invasion, or just plain and simple good old fashioned asteroid induced cataclysm it makes no matter to me, as long as it happens and happens soon.  anyone else here disappointed in that nutcase who predicted the rapture was wrong 2 times in a row?  If you were feel free to don your tin foil hat and chill out.  you are not alone.   

So the other day I'm sitting around reading, and watching the news and hear a name the news caster said.  I was like no, couldn't be. The last name was different than i knew, but the first was unique enough that i knew in a heart beat who it was.  It was a ex-girlfriend i had once. It was a nice piece on her and her family of kids waiting on her husband who is serving our country to come home from the sandbox.  (thanks to him for serving)  Well idk if you've ever ran into or seen a x years after the actual dating had happened, but god the years didn't treat her well.  I guess the same could and should be said bout me, but its just kinda amazing to me to know that the memories you have are probably better than the reality that is now with almost everyone from your past you don't associate with currently so don't be surprised when you see them and wanna vomit in your own socks. just saying. ...

does anyone else have a affinity for Gregorian chants? i find that i don't listen to it near enough, and actually enjoy it. Perhaps its just because its Halloween time, but i could be wrong.  I think its one of those things that folks like if they actually listen to it instead of this synthesized music we have today.

I made pan seared Italian chicken and tri-color rotinni with pesto for supper last night, and had some for lunch today, along with a salad i had bought at work here.  it was excellent.  Pasta, while considered a peasant's food by some, is excellent, and there is no limit to the additions you can put on it. it's like the Lego of cooking. you can just build on it and build on it and build on it.

Battlefield 3 comes out tomorrow. This means i will be MIA most likely for a long while.  I will attempt to drown my self in massive amounts of gaming, and maybe even alcohol. Fun times for sure.  I suppose nothing is better for the soul than killing on the simulator.  Oh well. I look forward to flying the jets. i think that will be a lot of fun. 

Oh and my riding lawnmower is possessed by Satan. I have to figure out what the deal is with that damn thing soon. I tried for 3 hours yesterday and only got it running once. ugh.

What if we had no Tech?

Well I'm using the blogspot app for ipad/iphone, which really is just a Iphone app, and needs to be updated horribly. It doesnt maximize the Ipad's capabilities, nor does it look or feel near as good as the web interface. I wonder if I should just go to the webpage and post from there in safari.

Technology... Odd that i'd choose to write about it in this light. I work in the I.T. Field. I fix computers, and work on networks, etc. However, I tend to be one of the most anti-technology people you would meet normally. I think that we have almost ruined life as we knew it. I'm not near as old as say my grandfather, who when he was young had no electricity, or indoor plumbing. However, I remember a time when we had Television, and radio, and movies, and Air Conditioning, but not cell phones, pagers, smart phones, Ipads computers, laptops, voice over IP phones.

I don't know if we can argue that we're better off now as a society with all these devices than we were without them. I think that perhaps we had more interpersonal interaction. If we wanted to talk to someone, we picked up a telephone and called them physically. there was no answering service or voicemail or even answering machines half the time. You had to be rich to have those answering machines. Or of course we'd get up and drive over to their home and visit with them in person. Because of the lack of these devices that text, or voicemail, or email people we had to see them we had to read how they responded to what we said or how we talked or looked in person, as opposed to now where we hide behind our devices, and talk to each other without ever even seeing each other. Hell half the time folks will write stuff in email or online that they would never see or say or do in person.

Is all these social networking sites really good for us? Hell is even my blog good for us? Yea it lets me get things off my chest, but i mean why not just tell people in person? Why do people stalk each other on these social sites like twitter, facebook, google plus, etc? And dont say you dont do it cause i know your lying. Every single one of us have sat there going thru a friend or a former acquaintance's photos or information looking to see what they are up to, or how their life turned out so far, etc. Humans inherently seem to be prone to gossip, and maybe thats why we do it? Just look at all the tabloids out there that folks buy about celebrities.. nothing more than gossip rags.

Another thing that we've lost is print media. Look at the magazines, the newspapers, the books even that are no longer published in paper. Those that are still there are hurting financially as their subscription base has been eroding away annually. Im as guilty as the rest of us, i read books on my ipad, i dont take the paper, i read news on the computer, be it at the newspapers site, or the large networks like foxnews or cnn or drudge, or the blaze.

That brings me to another issue, the 24 hour news cycle. I could care less about things like the Michael Jackson Doctor trial. it is not something that i have to know all about all the time. If there is not enough news to report on, DONT HAVE A 24 HOUR NEWS CYCLE. Sheesh. its not that hard. I miss the ol BREAKING NEWS and what happened to the good old anchors like walter kronkite? I'll tell you what. They're pretty much gone now. Ever since Dan Rather's false reporting because he had to keep up with creating news so he can keep the 24 hour cycle full, we've lost the truthful news reporters. Not to mention those that are Unbiased. I know, you say if your conservative like me that Fox news is Fair and Balanced. Well it tries, it really does, but its not 100% Fair nor unbiased. I miss when reporters would just report, and not give opinion. We have things like these social networks and blogs for opinions now, so how about you reports shut the hell up about what you think and simply report the damn news that I need to know. I mean yea, an earthquake is important, but Lady Ga-Ga serenading bill clinton for his birthday is the last damn thing i wanna see on my 6 oclock news report.

Is it wrong for me to long for the days gone by? Imagine a world, where the televisions have a rainbow screen and a buzz or a snow screen and buzz after 2am. Imagine no cell phones, pagers, smart phones. Imagine no laptops, no ipads, no desktops. Imagine no cable for that matter or satellite. Imagine no GPS, no ipods no walkmans or any portable music devices. For all the good that we've had with technologies, i wager we'd be better off as a society of people if we truely interacted with each other, and didnt have these devices anymore

Words of a friend...

Recently while talking with a friend about life, i was told that people view me as being smart. While this is a huge compliment to me, i don't look upon myself as being such. I look at myself as an average person... and many times it is hard for me to realize that not everyone thinks the way i do, nor doe everyone understand things the way i do.

it is interesting to think about this a little because it highlights how folks are different. I personally don't know if it is just something we all take for granted or not, but when it comes to things i tend to think folks think about things similarly to how i do. If a problem needs solved, i tend to think they will know how to go about solving it just as much as I would. If something is broken i think people would go about trying to fix it just as i would. This doesn't mean its true though. many times people do not think like i do. Not everyone is good at solving problems, not everyone is good at trying to solve them either. A more common example is the old saying that common sense is not that common.

I realize that everyone has had different experiences than me as a human being going through life. This especially in their childhood / early teen years usually forms how one thinks... along with school which is supposed to teach you how to think, is what shapes folks usually in the thought process. I've always thought that once things were explained, each person would think the same about whatever item that was explained. That is not the case though, largely based upon their life experiences.

I have kinda rambled on this subject. it is hard for me to put in words why folks look at me as being intelligent, when i don't really think of myself as such. I figure i am just like everyone else, and am able to do just what everyone else does. I don't like to attribute myself of being any better than the next guy,and honestly many folks i know make me feel sooo dumb so often its not even funny. The folks i work with for instance are so smart it is scary. i wish i knew half the stuff they knew. I find the comments my friend has said though as encouraging and also as flattering. So to that friend thank you. What are y'alls thoughts on intelligence? What makes someone smart and someone not?

Ragged old Flag

This is a song by Johnny Cash. I felt its lyrics needed to be posted.

I walked through a county courthouse square
On a park bench, an old man was sittin' there.
I said, "Your old court house is kinda run down,
He said, "Naw, it'll do for our little town".
I said, "Your old flag pole is leaned a little bit,
And that's a ragged old flag you got hangin' on it".
He said, "Have a seat", and I sat down,
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town"
I said, "I think it is"
He said "I don't like to brag, but we're kinda proud of
That Ragged Old Flag

"You see, we got a little hole in that flag there,
When Washington took it across the Delaware.
and It got powder burned the night Francis Scott Key sat watching it,
writing "Say Can You See"
It got a rip in New Orleans, with Packingham & Jackson
tugging at its seams.
and It almost fell at the Alamo
beside the Texas flag,
But she waved on though.
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville,
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill.
There was Robert E. Lee and Beauregard and Bragg,
And the south wind blew hard on
That Ragged Old Flag

"On Flanders Field in World War I,
She got a big hole from a Bertha Gun,
She turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp, and low, a time or two,
She was in Korea, Vietnam, She went where she was sent
by her Uncle Sam.
She waved from our ships upon the briny foam
and now they've about quit wavin' back here at home
in her own good land here She's been abused,
She's been burned, dishonored, denied an' refused,
And the government for which she stands
Has been scandalized throughout out the land.
And she's getting thread bare, and she's wearin' thin,
But she's in good shape, for the shape she's in.
Cause she's been through the fire before
and i believe she can take a whole lot more.

"So we raise her up every morning
And we bring her down slow every night,
We don't let her touch the ground,
And we fold her up right.
On second thought
I *do* like to brag
Cause I'm mighty proud of
That Ragged Old Flag"

Welcome to the jungle...

So it's been a while since i posted.  I am sorry i haven't posted again sooner than this, but I've not really felt much like writing, and honestly just put it off.  However I've been thinking about some things since I've been away from posting.


I don't know if i really feel like even posting right now, but I'm giving it my best shot.   This blog entry may seem more all over the place than many or all that I've posted before, as I'm just kinda of writing off whatever I'm thinking right now at this moment.  I've already deleted three different paragraph starts....

Another reason i haven't posted in a while is because life is busy. Hell it is busy, and down right complicated half the time. Be it work, school, family, friends, co-workers, all of that put together makes for a fairly stressful time for many people.  I'm not one to be all that stressed usually (or so i like to think)  I tend to just go with the flow, and not let things bother  me that i cannot control. However things that I can control can really bother me. 



One thing I had always believed that was true was that family will always be there.  With the past 3-4 years i have noticed that to not be the case.  My fathers father passed away back in 06.  He had Cancer.  I wasn't ever really close with him, but i have many many fond memories of him. No matter how fond those memories are, half of me now wonders if i really knew him at all.  You see after he passed we learned he had been a military hero of sorts (he served all his life as a career Army Personnel)  He had been awarded 3 bronze stars, for his service in Korea (or so Ive been told it was due to his service in Korea).    I'm not really sure if it was Korea, but that's what I've been told.  I know he served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam, and I only know this because of what was told to me after he passed.  When he was alive, he didn't talk much at all about his service history at all.  Since I've become an adult, I've learned that most of the guys who have seen a lot of action never really talk about it.  This in my opinion explains much about Grandpop.

The month before he passed, I made a trip up to D.C. to see him. He was as i remembered him for the most part...  Yes older, but other than that had his same basic personality.  He was a very funny guy, had a humor about him that was fun and playful.  While we were sitting on my dad's back patio watching my cousins play in the pool i asked him a bit about his service history.  He told me he was in WWII, and went in at Normandy... although not on Day1.  he said he was there either day 2 or 3.  And served throughout that war, and then in Korea.   He said in Korea he remembers being up in North Korea, and the next mountain range over was China.  He said he remembers seeing the Chinese come over the top of the mountain, and having to scramble from machine gun to machine gun to machine gun, and then back again, repeating while some of his guys escaped.  He told me about the convoy running from the Chinese / North Koreans that he was in, and that was really about it.  He never did go into much detail.   He also never mentioned Vietnam... So i don't know what he did there or if he was ever in country or not. 



When I was a child I remember going every summer with him, my grandmother, my dad, his brothers, all to Rehobeth Beach, in Delaware.  Grandpop's brother Uncle Unk( real name was Elmer) had a beach house there, and my grandfather had the boat in the marina there.  Every summer this was the highlight for me.  We'd go out in that little bow rider boat, and crab, and fish, and go to the beach and swim, and drive the golf cart to the marina's little shop, where we bought penny candies that he had given us money for.  To this day i still love Swedish fish.  Rehobeth has a lot of fond memories for me. From the amusement park, to the haunted house, to Thrashers French Fries, the boardwalk, the salt water taffy, all of it is a form of nostalgia i cannot explain.  Even after my mother and father divorced, i still have fond memories of those summers.  Perhaps it is not for me to have known him as Grandpop the man, but I think i would have liked to.  But since I didn't, I will forever remember him as Grandpop the grandfather and be thankful that I did know him as i had.
Now and forever more, he will remain with his boys at Arlington National Cemetery, where we learned that he had been awarded  3 bronze stars, and received his internment with full military honors and 21 gun salute.

Rest In Peace Grandpop...

 

So the passing of Grandpop was the first real loss of a close family member I have experienced.  However it will not be the last.  My mothers father this past summer was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer, and he opted to not have surgery.. he's 88 years old, and also a war veteran.  I suppose it is his right to decide to not have surgery done, but that does not make it any easier for me.  He is the one man I've been incredibly close to all my life. I attribute him with much of my upbringing, much of my value systems, and why i am how i am.  I also think hes been the one man that has been the constant, never gone, always there, always available, just always... If i had to have a "rock" he is it.   His wife a few years ago, 2008, while in a drunken stupor called me and started drama within the family.  The drama was based off of stuff my mothers daughter had said, which in turn had me disown both of them, and thus caused a huge rift within the family.

My mother, did not so much as cause an offense in this matter, but she didn't stop an offense either.  She chose to side with her daughter, who has Multiple Sclerosis, and at the time was / is a raging alcoholic, and on top of that, was huffing cans of air.  Yes, Spray cans of air.  Well she decided to call my grandmother, and speak all sorts of hurtful things about my wife and myself.  This in turn caused my grandmother to call me and repeat it, and thus cause the rift.  I being the person i am, hung up on my grandmother and then called my mother to have her sort this out before it became irreversible.  That backfired, as my mother did nothing, and thus sided with her mother / and daughter.  So I disowned them all, with the exception of my grandfather, who was and is innocent in the entire matter.  This little family issue has in turn pretty much caused my marriage to fail, and of course torn the family apart.  My Grandmother and my mothers daughters actions have taken my grandfather away from me for the past 3 years, and for that I will never forgive them. They are in fact, dead to me.  I do not say that lightly either.  There is a time when self preservation must kick in and take priority over the repeated hurts, and well this is a bridge that was washed away and will not be rebuilt.  Fast forward to today, and i learned thru my father in D.C. that my mothers mother has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia.  And is now in a assisted living/ nursing home because my grandfather cannot take care of her.  She doesn't know what year it is and thinks people who are long dead have visited her recently. 

Since 2008 I've come to terms that she's been dead to me for many years in my mind, but learning that it was/is dementia (and most likely one that had been effecting her back then as well) makes it just a smidge harder to be as hardened as i have been. I've also learned that my mothers daughter has been in and out of rehab facilities, and is supposedly now clean. Although she divorced the one husband she had that was worth a shit (even though he went to Clemson) and would (and did) do anything for her.  She's also since had a baby with her first husband who is a worthless sack of shit that left a great job as a supervisor in an iron company years ago to be a schwans delivery man, and when that didn't work he became a tow-truck driver, and when that didn't work out, (probably due to the alcoholism and Cocaine) hes now unemployed again and lives off her disability.. Yea a real bright shining star there. both of them. They are the reason people shouldn't reproduce and also a cruel reminder that those that should usually aren't blessed to have children themselves. 

So as you can tell, now, the once close nit perfect little happy family i had, is gone.  I am now 36, and while it did take me longer to want children than most, being with my friend Mike and his wife September's wonderful 3, I realize how much i want them. I just pray and hope that he and his wife know how lucky they truly are, even with the bullshit of life, the children make it all worth while.   I also realize now, that dream will probably go unfulfilled for me, just as my not repeating the mistakes of my fathers, or having a broken family, or always having my grandfather alive to talk to also wont go fulfilled.

To live a life once based within family, and to have that all surrounding you supporting you, and then to loose it all, and to live life every day empty inside and alone is a horrible feeling, which is probably why i started this blog to begin with.. to share my thoughts and feelings..  and maybe to be a form of therapy for myself, and others.  I am far from a perfect person and I have my problems as much as anyone else, but if you'd of asked me where i would be 15 years ago, where i am is not exactly what I'd of expected the answer to be.  Would any of us though?



Life is cruel and has many grey areas.  Sometimes even living in those grey areas can be best. It can be the easiest way to not be hurt..   other times it can be the very invitation to disaster.  If you love someone, tell them.  Show them.  make sure they feel it in their bones.  They may not be there tomorrow for you to tell them.  I hope and pray that those of you whom I love, I hope you know it.. if i haven't said it enough or ever, I'm sorry.  I will strive to make you feel my love, all i ask is you do the same.  As I have grown older, Ive noticed this to be true, and I've also noticed it is truly better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.  No matter how true that statement is.. it does not make it any easier to do.

I've titled this post welcome to the jungle. Mostly i did so because this is only a glimpse into my jungle of my life.... you can either grab a vine and swing, or you can get sucked down into the quicksand of it all.  Either way, beware of the panthers on the branches of the tree of life.. and welcome to my jungle.