I've been wanting to write lately. I just am not inspired to write about anything in particular. I have a lot going on in my mind. A lot of things are good, and a lot of them are not. If you'd of asked me this time last year how i thought life was turning out for me I'd of told you a totally different tale than the one i am now spinning.
I've got to get to the beach soon, to see my grandfather. If for no other reason to drop in for a few hours and see him. I don't want to drive all the way there to just see him for a few though. I feel that he'd want to make me go see my grandmother, and that wont happen. I have nothing to say about her or for her or to her. Much like my mother's daughter. I had some lady ask me in facebook if i was her brother as she lives across the street from her. I told her no, i am not. As far as I'm concerned both she and my grandmother are dead to me.
Finances are always kicking around in my head, I worry about them too much I've been told. But at least i am keeping them in check. No matter how much i worry. Not to mention the other issues at home. There is some stuff i don't even write about and or talk about, for fear that by giving them speech or written word they may in fact turn true, or at least, more true than they have already been. I'm no longer sure of what i want, or how i want things to turn out. I wonder if it's too little too late. I wonder if .. just if... a lot. The doubts in life are in fact some of the harshest things I've come across. Doubt in someones word, doubt i someones deed, doubt in someones intent or non-intent. Just doubt.
Then theres other things too job related things. Not so much my work, as my work is good. Yes there is the occasional idiot who rains on my parade, but there is little enough i can do about that. The work of the wife is another issue, and her night shift hours which in my opinion has created a lot of the stress / doubt /issues /problems. One can only pray for salvation from this dungeon I've been locked into for the past year or more. Fate is cruel, and after i had been sentenced to working nights for so long, only to get a job that i don't have to do that at, and then to have her as such on nights, well it doesn't fix my situation, in fact all it did was reverse our places, and thus create this situation all over again. My mother's recent visit over to attempt a patch up of the situation has evidently yielded no joy.. and furthermore hasn't yielded even an answer as to weather or not it had any bearing.
What is life about anyways? I had at one time thought it was about finding someone you can spend your life with, to depend on them, both physically and emotionally, and to enjoy the company of that person, while you eventually raised a family, and met the goals you both set for yourselves and your family unit wile being the best person you could be. Now, i don't know. Now i sit here waiting, no hoping for, the end of civilization. Be it in an economic collapse, an invasion, a zombie induced viri invasion, or just plain and simple good old fashioned asteroid induced cataclysm it makes no matter to me, as long as it happens and happens soon. anyone else here disappointed in that nutcase who predicted the rapture was wrong 2 times in a row? If you were feel free to don your tin foil hat and chill out. you are not alone.
So the other day I'm sitting around reading, and watching the news and hear a name the news caster said. I was like no, couldn't be. The last name was different than i knew, but the first was unique enough that i knew in a heart beat who it was. It was a ex-girlfriend i had once. It was a nice piece on her and her family of kids waiting on her husband who is serving our country to come home from the sandbox. (thanks to him for serving) Well idk if you've ever ran into or seen a x years after the actual dating had happened, but god the years didn't treat her well. I guess the same could and should be said bout me, but its just kinda amazing to me to know that the memories you have are probably better than the reality that is now with almost everyone from your past you don't associate with currently so don't be surprised when you see them and wanna vomit in your own socks. just saying. ...
does anyone else have a affinity for Gregorian chants? i find that i don't listen to it near enough, and actually enjoy it. Perhaps its just because its Halloween time, but i could be wrong. I think its one of those things that folks like if they actually listen to it instead of this synthesized music we have today.
I made pan seared Italian chicken and tri-color rotinni with pesto for supper last night, and had some for lunch today, along with a salad i had bought at work here. it was excellent. Pasta, while considered a peasant's food by some, is excellent, and there is no limit to the additions you can put on it. it's like the Lego of cooking. you can just build on it and build on it and build on it.
Battlefield 3 comes out tomorrow. This means i will be MIA most likely for a long while. I will attempt to drown my self in massive amounts of gaming, and maybe even alcohol. Fun times for sure. I suppose nothing is better for the soul than killing on the simulator. Oh well. I look forward to flying the jets. i think that will be a lot of fun.
Oh and my riding lawnmower is possessed by Satan. I have to figure out what the deal is with that damn thing soon. I tried for 3 hours yesterday and only got it running once. ugh.
I've got to get to the beach soon, to see my grandfather. If for no other reason to drop in for a few hours and see him. I don't want to drive all the way there to just see him for a few though. I feel that he'd want to make me go see my grandmother, and that wont happen. I have nothing to say about her or for her or to her. Much like my mother's daughter. I had some lady ask me in facebook if i was her brother as she lives across the street from her. I told her no, i am not. As far as I'm concerned both she and my grandmother are dead to me.
Finances are always kicking around in my head, I worry about them too much I've been told. But at least i am keeping them in check. No matter how much i worry. Not to mention the other issues at home. There is some stuff i don't even write about and or talk about, for fear that by giving them speech or written word they may in fact turn true, or at least, more true than they have already been. I'm no longer sure of what i want, or how i want things to turn out. I wonder if it's too little too late. I wonder if .. just if... a lot. The doubts in life are in fact some of the harshest things I've come across. Doubt in someones word, doubt i someones deed, doubt in someones intent or non-intent. Just doubt.
Then theres other things too job related things. Not so much my work, as my work is good. Yes there is the occasional idiot who rains on my parade, but there is little enough i can do about that. The work of the wife is another issue, and her night shift hours which in my opinion has created a lot of the stress / doubt /issues /problems. One can only pray for salvation from this dungeon I've been locked into for the past year or more. Fate is cruel, and after i had been sentenced to working nights for so long, only to get a job that i don't have to do that at, and then to have her as such on nights, well it doesn't fix my situation, in fact all it did was reverse our places, and thus create this situation all over again. My mother's recent visit over to attempt a patch up of the situation has evidently yielded no joy.. and furthermore hasn't yielded even an answer as to weather or not it had any bearing.
What is life about anyways? I had at one time thought it was about finding someone you can spend your life with, to depend on them, both physically and emotionally, and to enjoy the company of that person, while you eventually raised a family, and met the goals you both set for yourselves and your family unit wile being the best person you could be. Now, i don't know. Now i sit here waiting, no hoping for, the end of civilization. Be it in an economic collapse, an invasion, a zombie induced viri invasion, or just plain and simple good old fashioned asteroid induced cataclysm it makes no matter to me, as long as it happens and happens soon. anyone else here disappointed in that nutcase who predicted the rapture was wrong 2 times in a row? If you were feel free to don your tin foil hat and chill out. you are not alone.
So the other day I'm sitting around reading, and watching the news and hear a name the news caster said. I was like no, couldn't be. The last name was different than i knew, but the first was unique enough that i knew in a heart beat who it was. It was a ex-girlfriend i had once. It was a nice piece on her and her family of kids waiting on her husband who is serving our country to come home from the sandbox. (thanks to him for serving) Well idk if you've ever ran into or seen a x years after the actual dating had happened, but god the years didn't treat her well. I guess the same could and should be said bout me, but its just kinda amazing to me to know that the memories you have are probably better than the reality that is now with almost everyone from your past you don't associate with currently so don't be surprised when you see them and wanna vomit in your own socks. just saying. ...
does anyone else have a affinity for Gregorian chants? i find that i don't listen to it near enough, and actually enjoy it. Perhaps its just because its Halloween time, but i could be wrong. I think its one of those things that folks like if they actually listen to it instead of this synthesized music we have today.
I made pan seared Italian chicken and tri-color rotinni with pesto for supper last night, and had some for lunch today, along with a salad i had bought at work here. it was excellent. Pasta, while considered a peasant's food by some, is excellent, and there is no limit to the additions you can put on it. it's like the Lego of cooking. you can just build on it and build on it and build on it.
Battlefield 3 comes out tomorrow. This means i will be MIA most likely for a long while. I will attempt to drown my self in massive amounts of gaming, and maybe even alcohol. Fun times for sure. I suppose nothing is better for the soul than killing on the simulator. Oh well. I look forward to flying the jets. i think that will be a lot of fun.
Oh and my riding lawnmower is possessed by Satan. I have to figure out what the deal is with that damn thing soon. I tried for 3 hours yesterday and only got it running once. ugh.
lol its funny you say your riding lawn mower is possesed i have seen one do a wheelie straight into a car before :) I hope everything works out for you
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